What do I know for sure today? Let's go with a random, rag-tag list since I'm good at lists.
1) I know I'm woefully bad at getting started. At anything, really-- writing, knitting any of the dozens of projects I have queued up on Ravelry (I don't think I've knit in a year actually, yet I continue to linger over adorable patterns), working on a birth scrapbook, getting doughs together to freeze for future pizzas or pies. This isn't all that different from last year. I've been a procrastinator for a long time. I think last year a New Year's resolution I had was to blog at least monthly, and that so didn't happen. Why? I'm busy, yes, but never too busy to idle over Facebook, or read posts from 47-and-counting blogs, or reject recipe after recipe in search of the perfect dark chocolate tart, which then only gets made for some special occasion instead of just because. I wonder if the reason I've been avoiding writing is because I'm worried nothing I have to say is of any value? I generally feel that way about speaking-- who was it that said "It is better to remain silent and be thought a fool, than to speak and remove all doubt?" I began living that quote after I read it. And you know what? Many, many times since, someone else in the room at any given number of occasions has said whatever it was I was thinking but not saying, my same opinion or my same idea, and was lauded for it. What did I gain from remaining silent? And how is that quote also affecting my life in terms of not-doing, as well as not-speaking?
2) I know I absolutely love being a mama. I've known since I was a kid myself that I would be someone's wife and someone's mother. I was afraid for a while that I wasn't going to get to be a natural mom, and after my son was born, I learned that was a valid fear since only half of my uterus is functional. I would like to have another child someday, but if that doesn't happen, I also know that Ethan is enough. My heart is filled to bursting with love for this boy, and my head is filled with craft and holiday tradition ideas that are way too old for his four months of age! It's going to kill me to wait a few years to make an advent tree and start doing awesome family things together. I can't wait to go ice-skating and make eggnog and Christmas cookies and a gingerbread house and watch A Charlie Brown Christmas together, to show him how cool it is to volunteer in your community and make people happy. I'm thrilled to agonize over his future birthday parties. I mentally rehearse how to teach him basic math with measuring cups as he "helps" make dinner. At the same time, I know I need to slow down in my head and cherish this precious time with him as an immobile baby. Which time is going to be the last that he wears those cute monkey pajamas? When will be the last time he gives me a sleepy, milk-filled smile before drifting off? I am known for racing ahead in my mind and living in the future when the present is already so delicious. Sloooooooow your roll, Gini!
3) I know my marriage is super solid, and that makes me happy. I also know I'm still really shaken up (inexplicably) over the period of time that it wasn't solid, and that I should probably talk to someone about that.
4) I know I'm bored with my job. I've been with this company for nine years and have finally advanced to the team I've always held in such high regard-- Anti-Money Laundering. Sound fascinating? Investigating real suspicious activity is pretty interesting and I totally love catching people doing sneaky and bad things. I love writing up a report and sending it to the Financial Center for Economic Crimes. It makes me feel like I'm in a crazy cool movie when I'm really just pushing paper and trying to avoid Facebook. However, much of our daily work has been lost to busywork and really stupid bureaucratic requirements rather than real investigations. I'm a huge believer in loving what you do for a living. I mean, you spend the majority of your time at work! Shouldn't you love it? Who wants to fritter his or her life away doing something unsatisfying? So, as I do whenever I am dissatisfied with my job, I'm dreaming of a business of my own and jotting down ideas. No, I won't tell you what it is because it'd TOTALLY fill a niche market here and that's aaaaallll mine.
5) I know I am so incredibly lucky. I feel like I'm truly living the American Dream-- I have a handsome and considerate husband, a beautiful baby, a grand home, good jobs that pay our bills, let us spend AND let us save, loving family members, wonderful friends. We travel whenever we want. It's like a picture-perfect life that probably millions of people would die to have, including people we've met on our travels. Despite this, I have a tendency to snipe and complain about small discomforts. It bothers me when I catch myself doing this, so I'm going to work on being more mindful and grateful in my personal life.
What five things do you know today?
Monday, December 3, 2012
Radvent. I'm going to try this.
Radvent is a daily journaling challenge hosted by local entrepreneur and businesswoman extraordinaire, Princess Lasertron, every day of every December. She posts thoughtful writing prompts designed to help anyone who cares to visit and develop their own thoughts on the subject at hand. Megan is cool and I've loved reading her daily writings over the past couple years, so this year I'd like to try it too.
I love writing but am notoriously bad at making time for it. Case in point-- I missed Ethan's fourth month post, and there was even something special about November 10th I wanted to point out. I could do it now, but the impact is lost and that's sad. When I do write and come back and look at what I've read, months or years later, I'm always struck at the insight I had when truthfully, I don't feel like I'm very insightful on a day-to-day basis. Daily, I feel like I'm losing my edge, my sharpness, my ability to explore thoughts more deeply than surface-level. Further, I'm a good writer. Not only am I insightful, but my writing is generally fairly organized and pleasant, with flowery prose. I think I'm pretty decent. I MUST make time for writing. How else will I ever write a novel?!
So, today I'll have two posts. Tomorrow, another two. This one and December 1st, then two more tomorrow for the days of December I've missed. I mean, I eschewed pants every day of last month for No Pants November, SURELY I can jot a little thing down every day of December! The posts probably won't be very long. I just want to get back into the habit of writing regularly, so I'm not holding myself up to the highest of standards in length and quality.
Off we go!
I love writing but am notoriously bad at making time for it. Case in point-- I missed Ethan's fourth month post, and there was even something special about November 10th I wanted to point out. I could do it now, but the impact is lost and that's sad. When I do write and come back and look at what I've read, months or years later, I'm always struck at the insight I had when truthfully, I don't feel like I'm very insightful on a day-to-day basis. Daily, I feel like I'm losing my edge, my sharpness, my ability to explore thoughts more deeply than surface-level. Further, I'm a good writer. Not only am I insightful, but my writing is generally fairly organized and pleasant, with flowery prose. I think I'm pretty decent. I MUST make time for writing. How else will I ever write a novel?!
So, today I'll have two posts. Tomorrow, another two. This one and December 1st, then two more tomorrow for the days of December I've missed. I mean, I eschewed pants every day of last month for No Pants November, SURELY I can jot a little thing down every day of December! The posts probably won't be very long. I just want to get back into the habit of writing regularly, so I'm not holding myself up to the highest of standards in length and quality.
Off we go!
Sunday, October 21, 2012
Pumpkinhead
Ethan,
Guess what? You are three months old! Well, you were newly three months old 11 days ago but you're still three months old now, so it counts. And at three months, you are becoming such a fun little dude.
We just started you sleeping in the crib this month and it's going perfectly. When you were born, you'd spit up your milk if we laid you flat on your back to sleep, so you've been sleeping in a bouncy chair loaned by your Aunt Sara and Uncle Dustin. Now you're too big for it, which ends up being perfect timing since you seem to enjoy sleeping all stretched out now.
You are the happiest in the mornings, as I suspect most babies are, after you've had a nice long sleep. It's easy to make you smile and chuckle, just talking to you will do it, and your occasional hoots of laughter are extraordinarily satisfying to us! I like to blow gentle zerberts on your stomach, because you get startled if I do it too quickly or hard, but when I get them just right they tickle you. Dad loves to make faces and see if you copy them, which you sometimes do! Other times, you try to contort your face into the right shapes while we cheer you on.
We usually wait to go into your room in the mornings to greet you until you've called us, but on the rare occasion you sleep until we've finished up all our morning pre-work tasks, it's kind of hard to wake you. You'll open your eyes for a moment and glare at us, then determinedly shut them and try to go back to sleep. Which is so dang cute that I'm always tempted to let you sleep and just go to work late...but then I'd have to leave work late, and pick you up late, and then I know your post-work snack would turn into your bedtime nursing and we won't get to spend any time with you. And let me tell you, it already sucks going to work and missing eight hours of your daytime activities. Maybe I will just have to dream up a way of working at home! Anyway, it always takes you a few minutes to get your bearings when we have to wake you-- you look around grumpily with slitted eyes and a furrowed brow, but we can usually get a smile out of you before too long.
You love to wiggle and fling your arms around, and you especially love to kick. I can always tell when you've gotten an idea or something has excited you, because your legs go crazy! It almost seems like a manner of communication for you-- sometimes when we're in the middle of a diaper change, I'll lean down to give you a kiss, and several times you've lifted your foot and placed it directly on my shoulder. And left it there while staring at me. It's kind of hilarious. Your dad is convinced you'll be a great soccer player and I hope he's right! Right now it's looking like you use your left hand and foot predominantly. But, you know, you're three months old. We're probably wrong.
Today we took you to the pumpkin patch! Not because you'll care or remember it, but because we wanted cute pictures. Even though you had just gotten up from a long nap and were happy as a clam before leaving the house...you were not a fan of the outing.
You kept turning your head as far to the left as it would go-- which, by the way, wow-- so here, your dad's trying to encourage you to look at me so I could maybe make you smile.
Guess what? You are three months old! Well, you were newly three months old 11 days ago but you're still three months old now, so it counts. And at three months, you are becoming such a fun little dude.
We just started you sleeping in the crib this month and it's going perfectly. When you were born, you'd spit up your milk if we laid you flat on your back to sleep, so you've been sleeping in a bouncy chair loaned by your Aunt Sara and Uncle Dustin. Now you're too big for it, which ends up being perfect timing since you seem to enjoy sleeping all stretched out now.
We usually wait to go into your room in the mornings to greet you until you've called us, but on the rare occasion you sleep until we've finished up all our morning pre-work tasks, it's kind of hard to wake you. You'll open your eyes for a moment and glare at us, then determinedly shut them and try to go back to sleep. Which is so dang cute that I'm always tempted to let you sleep and just go to work late...but then I'd have to leave work late, and pick you up late, and then I know your post-work snack would turn into your bedtime nursing and we won't get to spend any time with you. And let me tell you, it already sucks going to work and missing eight hours of your daytime activities. Maybe I will just have to dream up a way of working at home! Anyway, it always takes you a few minutes to get your bearings when we have to wake you-- you look around grumpily with slitted eyes and a furrowed brow, but we can usually get a smile out of you before too long.
You love to wiggle and fling your arms around, and you especially love to kick. I can always tell when you've gotten an idea or something has excited you, because your legs go crazy! It almost seems like a manner of communication for you-- sometimes when we're in the middle of a diaper change, I'll lean down to give you a kiss, and several times you've lifted your foot and placed it directly on my shoulder. And left it there while staring at me. It's kind of hilarious. Your dad is convinced you'll be a great soccer player and I hope he's right! Right now it's looking like you use your left hand and foot predominantly. But, you know, you're three months old. We're probably wrong.
Today we took you to the pumpkin patch! Not because you'll care or remember it, but because we wanted cute pictures. Even though you had just gotten up from a long nap and were happy as a clam before leaving the house...you were not a fan of the outing.
You kept turning your head as far to the left as it would go-- which, by the way, wow-- so here, your dad's trying to encourage you to look at me so I could maybe make you smile.
Clearly I was successful!
But seriously, you are a delightful baby and every day with you is a total joy. I want to go into your room and snuggle my face into your squishy baby rolls right now!
Just kidding. Keep sleeping, baby boy!
Love,
Mama
Sunday, October 14, 2012
Blessings
Ethan,
I know your dad has already begun a journal of sorts for you, but I already have this blog and I may as well write in it, right? Three months late. :) Or months or years late, if you want to take into account how long I've had this and how long it's been since I wrote in it.
Today seems like an auspicious day to start up again since it was the day of your baby blessing. I read somewhere once that in Bali (I think), babies are carried by their parents for the first 180 days of their lives, no part of them ever never touching the ground. They aren't named and are simply kept alive, carefully. It isn't until the end of that 180 day period that they are celebrated with a grand party, given names and allowed to touch the earth, the rationale being that if a child that young was to die, it belonged to the gods anyway, not to their human community on earth. Once that period of limbo passes, the babies then belong to their families and are tied to the land. While I wouldn't ever say you belonged to the gods at pretty much any point past the moment you left my womb, I thought it a good parallel to begin writing to you today, the day you were celebrated and officially "sent off" onto your great journey of life. Plus, several local people I admire (Lara, Princess Lasertron, your dad of course) write monthly letters to their babies and I want that record for you, too!
We aren't religious. We both grew up Catholic but left the church for varying reasons, the explanations of which I'm sure you'll be subjected to throughout your life. I feel more spiritual-agnostic, personally, and I think your dad feels the same (although he'll gruffly say he's atheist-agnostic. Get a drink in him and he'll soften up). Regardless, we both felt it was right to have some sort of ceremony officially welcoming such an amazing addition to our lives--you-- and speaking to the hopes we have for and promises we make to you as your parents. Plus, it made your Grandma Magnuson really happy to have something slightly resembling a baptism. ;) So we planned this totally personalized, non-traditional gig with secular readings, a Beatles song, a pagan ritual, Christian oil to rub on your body, and invited lots of people who love you.
It was great. It was a beautiful, cool and sunny fall day out. I filled your tummy ahead of time so you'd be content and quiet throughout. You wore this ADORABLE hand-woven jumper and booties we bought in Guatemala in 2009 (we figured we'd have a baby someday). Your grandma and great-grandma Magnuson made some little hors d'oevres and I bought cupcakes and pumpkin whoopie pies from my friend Joni. Your Mimms (Grandma Lawson, just in case that nickname doesn't stick) listened to the ceremony via Skype; unfortunately, the video feature wasn't working. What can you expect from a free service, right? Several of our closest friends came, some with their own babies. Everyone spoke some words of blessing or wishes for you, and wove a ribbon onto a wreath for you to represent their sentiments. And we, your mom and dad, were humbled and pleased to find ourselves surrounded by people gathered there for a common purpose-- to show love and honor to our greatest joy, our first child, our unbelievably perfect boy. You.
Welcome to this life, Ethan. You're going to love it.
I know your dad has already begun a journal of sorts for you, but I already have this blog and I may as well write in it, right? Three months late. :) Or months or years late, if you want to take into account how long I've had this and how long it's been since I wrote in it.
Today seems like an auspicious day to start up again since it was the day of your baby blessing. I read somewhere once that in Bali (I think), babies are carried by their parents for the first 180 days of their lives, no part of them ever never touching the ground. They aren't named and are simply kept alive, carefully. It isn't until the end of that 180 day period that they are celebrated with a grand party, given names and allowed to touch the earth, the rationale being that if a child that young was to die, it belonged to the gods anyway, not to their human community on earth. Once that period of limbo passes, the babies then belong to their families and are tied to the land. While I wouldn't ever say you belonged to the gods at pretty much any point past the moment you left my womb, I thought it a good parallel to begin writing to you today, the day you were celebrated and officially "sent off" onto your great journey of life. Plus, several local people I admire (Lara, Princess Lasertron, your dad of course) write monthly letters to their babies and I want that record for you, too!
We aren't religious. We both grew up Catholic but left the church for varying reasons, the explanations of which I'm sure you'll be subjected to throughout your life. I feel more spiritual-agnostic, personally, and I think your dad feels the same (although he'll gruffly say he's atheist-agnostic. Get a drink in him and he'll soften up). Regardless, we both felt it was right to have some sort of ceremony officially welcoming such an amazing addition to our lives--you-- and speaking to the hopes we have for and promises we make to you as your parents. Plus, it made your Grandma Magnuson really happy to have something slightly resembling a baptism. ;) So we planned this totally personalized, non-traditional gig with secular readings, a Beatles song, a pagan ritual, Christian oil to rub on your body, and invited lots of people who love you.
It was great. It was a beautiful, cool and sunny fall day out. I filled your tummy ahead of time so you'd be content and quiet throughout. You wore this ADORABLE hand-woven jumper and booties we bought in Guatemala in 2009 (we figured we'd have a baby someday). Your grandma and great-grandma Magnuson made some little hors d'oevres and I bought cupcakes and pumpkin whoopie pies from my friend Joni. Your Mimms (Grandma Lawson, just in case that nickname doesn't stick) listened to the ceremony via Skype; unfortunately, the video feature wasn't working. What can you expect from a free service, right? Several of our closest friends came, some with their own babies. Everyone spoke some words of blessing or wishes for you, and wove a ribbon onto a wreath for you to represent their sentiments. And we, your mom and dad, were humbled and pleased to find ourselves surrounded by people gathered there for a common purpose-- to show love and honor to our greatest joy, our first child, our unbelievably perfect boy. You.
Welcome to this life, Ethan. You're going to love it.
Thursday, January 19, 2012
Generally unrelated
I read this today and really liked it. I don't want to forget the lesson so here it is.
Ancient Native American story:
An old Cherokee told his grandson about the battle that goes on within us. "My boy," he told him, "Inside every one of us dwells two wolves-- one evil, one good. The evil one is angry and jealous, full of regret and arrogance, greed and sorrow, guilt and self-pity. The other is good. He is kind and loving, full of hope and peace, joy and compassion."
The young boy thought about it for a moment. "Which wolf wins?" he asked his grandfather.
The old Cherokee smiled and simply replied, "...the one you feed."
Ancient Native American story:
An old Cherokee told his grandson about the battle that goes on within us. "My boy," he told him, "Inside every one of us dwells two wolves-- one evil, one good. The evil one is angry and jealous, full of regret and arrogance, greed and sorrow, guilt and self-pity. The other is good. He is kind and loving, full of hope and peace, joy and compassion."
The young boy thought about it for a moment. "Which wolf wins?" he asked his grandfather.
The old Cherokee smiled and simply replied, "...the one you feed."
Sunday, January 1, 2012
New Year, New You?
So it appears I never blog unless it's a new year. That sucks! I'll try harder this year. Maybe. :) Well, probably, since I created this blog for the express purpose of detailing Eric's and my lives and this year will bring a rather dramatic change: we're expecting a baby! Rejoice, all two of you who read this blog! We weren't even trying-- we just sort of gave up and made a bunch of plans to go to Peru in June and move to Seattle in the fall. Um, derailed. I'm three months along! Or in preg lady speak, 13 weeks.
So here were 2011's resolutions. Let's see how I did.
1) Blog more often (forcing me to be more aware), either here or potentially the preserving blog.
FAIL. The last time I blogged here was 12/28/10 and the same for the canning blog.
2) Spend more time outdoors.
I accomplished this.
3) Let myself be less busy.
I also accomplished this, to the tune of fewer self-imposed projects and obligations. I did go back to school though, and that's as busy as I'm letting myself be.
4) Relinquish expectations.
So here were 2011's resolutions. Let's see how I did.
1) Blog more often (forcing me to be more aware), either here or potentially the preserving blog.
FAIL. The last time I blogged here was 12/28/10 and the same for the canning blog.
I accomplished this.
I also accomplished this, to the tune of fewer self-imposed projects and obligations. I did go back to school though, and that's as busy as I'm letting myself be.
4) Relinquish expectations.
I'm not sure. I think so? Maybe that's why I got knocked up, I stopped expecting it to happen and busied myself elsewhere.
Let's see what we can do with 2012!
1) Eric would like to fill our larder with home-preserved foods so we don't have to buy non-perishables in winter 2012/2013. We got a dehydrator for Christmas and he's all about it with his jerky and dried fruit aspirations. I like to can and I'll have three months of maternity leave smack dab in the middle of the best canning season-- summer. So I think this is doable. We're gonna try it.
2) On that note, I will try to chronicle our preserving adventures here: http://putupyerdukes.blogspot.com/
And I'll chronicle baby adventures on this blog, hopefully with at least monthly pictures. Sheesh.
Welcome, 2012! I love you already. :D
Tuesday, December 28, 2010
Oh dear!
Well, I suck at blogging regularly! I logged into to look at last year's resolutions and saw I haven't posted a dang thing since April. Perhaps this New Year I'll resolve to blog more often? It's a thought.
So here is last year's list:
1) Become pregnant.
2) Tone up!
3) Knit and crochet passably by year-end.
4) Can more often, one project per month.
And here is my report:
1) HA.
2) I didn't do too badly here! I've gained some muscle and I can also run farther and faster than before, so score.
3) I can knit okay but had a lot of trouble learning to crochet. I have box of cute crocheted animal projects gathering dust. :(
4) I rocked at this and actually got 13 projects done instead of only 12. I've been so pleased that I started a different blog specifically for preserving and have a long-term project in mind to feature local agricultural talent (I am in the bountiful Midwest after all), but I'm currently on the fence about whether to launch it. I'm not sure if I'll have time and even if I do, I should have some semblance of personal time with Eric. I don't know if I should be putting any more irons in the fire, so I'll have to think on it.
With all that said, here is 2011's resolutions list (For now-- it's not the end of the year quite yet).
1) Blog more often (forcing me to be more aware), either here or potentially the preserving blog.
2) Spend more time outdoors.
3) Let myself be less busy.
4) Relinquish expectations.
So this is probably my last post for 2010! What will your resolutions be?
So here is last year's list:
2) Tone up!
3) Knit and crochet passably by year-end.
4) Can more often, one project per month.
And here is my report:
1) HA.
2) I didn't do too badly here! I've gained some muscle and I can also run farther and faster than before, so score.
3) I can knit okay but had a lot of trouble learning to crochet. I have box of cute crocheted animal projects gathering dust. :(
4) I rocked at this and actually got 13 projects done instead of only 12. I've been so pleased that I started a different blog specifically for preserving and have a long-term project in mind to feature local agricultural talent (I am in the bountiful Midwest after all), but I'm currently on the fence about whether to launch it. I'm not sure if I'll have time and even if I do, I should have some semblance of personal time with Eric. I don't know if I should be putting any more irons in the fire, so I'll have to think on it.
With all that said, here is 2011's resolutions list (For now-- it's not the end of the year quite yet).
1) Blog more often (forcing me to be more aware), either here or potentially the preserving blog.
2) Spend more time outdoors.
3) Let myself be less busy.
4) Relinquish expectations.
So this is probably my last post for 2010! What will your resolutions be?
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