Radvent, Day 7: Relaxation

I'm pretty terrible at relaxing in the traditional sense. There are just so many things that need doing, and I generally enjoy doing them. Dishes, washing the floors, orchestrating a complicated and beautiful meal-- these things give me my zen moments. It's a favorite thing to complete a wash of my hardwood floors, stand up and admire how it gleams, then take off my socks and walk on the silky cleanliness. I know, I'm totally a weirdo; I've been told more than once. When I do sit down for a few minutes, I find myself plotting the next task to tackle or picking up a magazine or scrolling through my phone or standing up again to go find Eric. A girlfriend asked me a few months ago when I ever just sit by myself and do nothing at all. To me, doing nothing at all feels like I'm being lazy and I love to be productive (ironically, I'm not being productive at work right now).If I don't feel like I need that...then I don't, right?

Eric and I like to chill out together in the basement after the baby's asleep. This involves a dinner we've hopefully cooked together, Netflix, and a futon we laid flat in the frame so we can sprawl out. But even then I like to put a fresh load in the wash and bring down a basket of clothes to fold. Business and pleasure. 

I was forced to slow down from my typical gogogogogogo mode after Ethan was born. Suddenly I had to sit down every hour or couple hours to nurse him for an indeterminate amount of time, regardless of the state my house was in. With nothing in my hands and nowhere to go, I found myself just gazing at him. Thinking about how I'd like to improve his life. Wondering what he'll look like as a toddler. And I found myself love, love, LOVING it. It is far and away the most relaxing thing I do all day. I admire his squishy little cheeks and tiny, perfect eyebrows, and stroke his soft head. He's doing things with his hands now and likes to pat my chest, shoulders, and face while nursing, which is so sweet. I do keep my phone nearby in the evenings when he nurses to sleep since that ritual takes a while, but if he's awake? I'm looking at him and inhaling his baby fragrance. I can't imagine missing these treasured moments because I have a complex with staying busy. I'm so glad he forced me to relax with him at the outset.